Category: fantasy

queen nicki

i bow down (again) to the prowess and badassedness of nicki minaj. she has once again caused a delightful media frenzy with her newest video, anaconda, mostly focused on the air time given to her ass in said video. a number of sources questioned if this was “too racy for [nicki’s] own good” and one even called anaconda the most explicit video ever made (no double standards here, naturally….)

[youtube=http://youtu.be/LDZX4ooRsWs]

even socially liberal, more radical folks critique nicki’s bombacious and overt show of feminine sexuality. and i think there is always a place for fair-minded critique through various social lenses, etc… but in the spirit of many truths existing simultaneously, and a goal of living in the messiness, i salute and adore nicki minaj for the power and i-don’t-give-a-fuck attitude she consistently displays.

my own read on her subtle subversiveness: a simple, superficial interpretation of some of her work is that she is molding herself into a sexual object for the desirous fantasies of men. and this isn’t necessarily false. we are all women socialized from birth to be sexualized, objectified beings; it is unreasonable to believe that this doesn’t intertwine and play into absolutely everything each of us does– either propping up or opposing this social more. there is a power, however, in an individual from a societally disenfranchised group grabbing what is “expected” of them and turning it on its head.. using it to their own devices. in some regards i see nicki minaj doing similar things to artists such as kara walker.

the cherry on top of this video’s sunday is nicki walking off-screen, leaving drake high and dry at the end…

dear wayne: meditations on humiliation

a dear friend of mine bought wayne koestenbaum’s book “humiliation” while we were together in winnipeg, this winter. we decided a fur background felt most fitting for some reason for an impromptu photo shoot…

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it is a pretty fascinating and on point read, from the excerpts i have read. then i found out about a youtube series of “dear wayne” dillemnas… if nothing else, wayne poses some interesting situational decisions…

not knowing

sometimes i begin writing a post for this blog, and am overwhelmed by the knowledge of how tiny my “knowledge” is… how inadequate. i really only know about a few things that resonate or work for me. and i know a lot of things that don’t work for me. and i keep moving forward in life trying and failing to establish more balance, clearer knowledge of myself and my responses, and sharing what i can when it feels right.

this seems a weak basis from which to speak the truth from my western paradigm of backing up arguments with facts and numbers. my little brother would rip this apart with sound logic and facts. a new love of mine would tell me to just hold space for this. i am slowly learning what it means to hold space in real ways. how to hold space for my not-knowingness. how to hold space for multiple truths that may be in conflict with each other. how to hold space for not understanding. how to read communication for the need(s) that it is trying to convey.

to really live being present seems to me to involve dropping all artifice of “knowing” and fundamentally accepting experience in this moment for whatever it is. this is impossibly difficult for most of us… and perhaps often we discover that the stillness is ultimately a trigger for us, setting off feelings and emotions we would prefer not to feel.

seema anand: the art of seduction

“optimizing and harnessing the mind, the body and the spirit [via sexual seduction] equals the elixir of youth.”

i am intrigued by seduction. i have been for a very long time. i think it raises so many interesting questions. it can be understood in so many ways. it is, inherently, about power dynamics between two people, and using these to your advantage (and, optimally, for the partner’s advantage as well) to entice a lover into the mysteries of who you are. and yet, as with any power dynamic, it is complicated by so many things.

i consider myself to be a respectable seductress at this point in my life, but have noted the way i leave the seduction behind as i move farther into knowing a lover. i am not sure how i feel about this. i was captivated by seema anand’s ted talk in part because she specifically calls out the notion that proper seduction involves not only both parties practicing the art of seduction, but also, importantly, each partner knowing the nuances of the ways in which they are being seduced by their lover, to fully own and experience their fullest sexual potential. i love the way this turns the on-the-surface complications of unequal power dynamics between a couple into an entirely level playing field. how thrilling to consider the possibilities of completely transparent (as it were) seduction between two people who are both seducing each other and equally appreciating and noting the ways in which they are being seduced…

 

bdsm practitioners more psychologically evolved than their vanilla counterparts?

i’ve been curious for some time about the potentially healing benefits of bdsm (“BDSM is a variety of erotic practices involving dominance and submission, role-playing, restraint, and other interpersonal dynamics.” –wikipedia) i continue to be fascinated by the potential to enact our darkest ingrained dysfunctions in a healthy, loving space… how empowering it can be to recreate a powerless space by choice, choosing to re-enter the trauma space; except this time with full power. as so interestingly shown by guy maddin in my winnipeg, when he hires his childhood home and actors to literally re-enact scenes from his childhood.

People in the BDSM scene reported higher levels of happiness in the past two weeks than people outside it, and they said they felt more secure in their relationships.

ironically, bdsm is still listed in most countries as a mental disorder.

my suspicion is that all of us have some kind of deep, dark fantasies. but it takes work and intention and self-awareness to find them. i consider discovering my fantasies and kinks as mile markers on my journey of self-discovery.

cheers to self-discovery… whatever path that might take.

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la petite mort

[quote from wikipedia]
La petite mort, French for “the little death”, is an idiom and euphemism for orgasm. This term has generally been interpreted to describe the post-orgasmic state of unconsciousness that some people have after having some sexual experiences.

More widely, it can refer to the spiritual release that comes with orgasm or to a short period of melancholy or transcendence as a result of the expenditure of the “life force,” the feeling which is caused by the release of oxytocin in the brain after the occurrence of orgasm.

i have been captivated by this term/phrasing for orgasm since i first learned of it. i think this is so perfectly on point… capturing the complexity of the varying emotions that give meaning to our unique experience of orgasm… the seemingly impossible combination of utter loss and ecstasy that i feel each time i come.

trembling over my skin
coursing through my blood
my cries quivering, hovering…

you send rushes of sensation
up and down my spine
my body yearns, demands to burst out of its casings
releasing this vast ocean of energy,
soaring through the sky…

then laying softly, quietly
skin against skin
our breath intermingling
floating in the creative wonder
of this love

partition

this video is a lovely fantasy vision. beyoncé’s latest video album brings up sexuality in many different ways, and i was immediately in love. in one of her videos discussing making “partition” she talks about her experience turning one of her fantasies into a video, how it felt pushing her limits of expressing her sexuality publicly. i think it takes a lot of courage, and i think b did it with a lot of grace and beauty.

well done, bey. <3

[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pZ12_E5R3qc&w=560&h=315])